Two-liners with some genuine observations

Brevity is the soul of wit. Enjoy these fresh two-liners with some genuine observations:-

The difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.

Alcohol is a perfect solvent:
It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.
Archaeologist: Someone whose career lies in ruins.
An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have:
The older she gets, the more interested he becomes in her.
There are two kinds of people who don’t say much:
Those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
They say that alcohol kills slowly.
So what? Who’s in a hurry?
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix.
Never drink and derive
One nice thing about egotists:
They don’t talk about other people.